Visiting the past and tears

First of all I want to say thank you again for all the encouraging comments and thanks to all the new people who care enough to post. I so appreciate your words of encouragement. The Bible say to encourage one another and I am thankful to receive the blessings of encouragement especially being 8000 miles away from my comfort zone.

Today has been and emotional day and a day of moving forward. I did not take Sophie Nuan with me to the orphanage and I feel confident that it was the right decision. The director and the staff doctor agreed with me that it was the right decision. The doctor sat with me very patiently and answered all my questions. She told me that Sophie Nuan's demeanor had changed drastically over the past week. She quit going to her and others at the orphanage once they told her that her family would be coming to get her soon. She would not want to leave her room for fear of being taken away. There is no doubt in my mind that our daughter was loved dearly by her nannies and the staff at POP. I was able to hug her nannies and thank them with tears rolling down all of our faces and assured them that I would take care of her and that she had many people waiting to love her at home! I apologized for not bringing her back and they also agreed that she could not have handled it. I video her nannies talking to her so one day I will be able to show her how much they loved her. I told her that I would keep in contact and send pictures of her as much as possible. They told me she was very shy and she does not like things to change too much. They said she was like the big sister in her room, helping the other children. Their hearts are broken and so is mine. This is hard. You can never be prepared for the emotions that swell up inside of you and I cannot accurately type the words to express my emotions.

I was able to meet Mr. Yeung and is a very delightful, kind man. He made me feel like I was the most important person in the world and thanked me so much for being willing to adopt one of China's orphans!! I am the one who is honored to be a part of Sophie Nuan's life!!!! I was also able to visit with another child whose family will be coming to pick him up the end of October. The orphanage was extremely clean and all the staff were very friendly. It was hard to walk out knowing there are many Americans waiting.

When I returned back from POP, my princess was sleeping soundly in her stroller taking a nap. When she woke up we had to take her back to the Tianjin orphanage to pay our donation fee and we were required to bring her with us. I was very nervous but she did not even seem to recognize the building. She was crying so hard on Monday, I don't think that she even loked around. All of us and 2 other families toured this orphanage. No pictures allowed. It is so sad to see these children sitting at their tables. Their faces just light up when you walk into the room. This orphanage has several older children and that was hard to see.

We took our little princess to a dumpling restaurant and you can see these pictures over on picasaweb. She was so funny stuffing her mouth full. She actually played with me under the table kicking my leg and then laughing. She actually let me tickle her leg for a few short minutes. I will take every second that I can get. She gets so silly at night and her laugh is just precious. I forgot my cord to the video camara so I am unable to post any video...sorry! She does not have one of her front teeth. We have been told that she has never had a tooth there so not sure what that is all about. Hopefully the permanent tooth is there, if not we can get that fixed.

Thank you all for the prayers!!! They are working and she is slowly coming around...she still has moments where she reverts in to her shell but not as bad today...mostly when she gets tired. We have to put her in her stroller and she feels secure.

Good night from Tianjin.