My dear sweet friends I do not know what I would do without your words of encouragement. I want to fall to pieces but your words and prayers are keeping me strong. Sophie is a mess. She comes alive at night. She spent all day telling mama NO when I would look at her. She sat all day in the stroller except to get out at McDonalds. We went to eat Chinese with our guide, Angela, tonight and her personality came shining through. We got back to the room and she actually played and laughed. Still real hesitant with me but I keep my distance even when she is laughing...she can turn it off very quickly if I get too close. I find comfort in knowing that she does feel comfortable with Justin and starting to warm up to Ricky but I am jealous and scared about how things will go when we get home and Justin goes back to school.
I will go an visit the orphanage tomorrow. I am not taking Sophie. It breaks my heart that I am not able to take her back and let her nannies see her one more time but she has had such a horrible transition as far as I am concerned and I think she would just hate me that much more if I took her away again. I can't tell you for sure this is the right decision not to take her back but it is my gut feeling that her heart would just break in to pieces again. She seems to be doing well with Justin and some with Ricky...I just don't want her to regress. I can't stand to see her sad. I know that we have many more sad days ahead but I am hoping that the love that she will receive from us and everyone else will help her through the hurt.
Enjoy the pictures!! The laughter is short lived and only at night. We will take whatever we can get.
Senior year
1 year ago
22 comments:
Sheri hang in there, the laughter was golden this morning and I'm sure for you it's a peaceful way to end your day. Head up it won't be long and she will be clinging to you. I know you've spent all these months longing to comfort her and now it hurts that she pushes you away, but hang in there, keep stroking her a little at a time. Love and miss you!! Sleep well!!
I know you are struggling but you know she will come around...she just doesnt know what a wonderful mom you are yet!! We will pray today that she will find peace and that you will as well!! We love ya!
Sherri, I will keep praying for you and Sophie. She will come around just like everyone says but I know how hard this must be for you. Hang in there my precious friend. God has you both in his grip and it's just a matter of time! Remember He is our provider - just like that Manna every morning was to the Israelites in the desert - He will give you just what you need everyday to get through - not too little and not too much. Just the right amount! Love, Val.
Love is the seed of all hope. It is the enticement to trust, to risk, to try, to go on. "I will give you a new heart...of love." Ezekiel 36:26 Don't give up girl! It wont be long before her 'new' heart is full of love for U.... Love you, Allie
Sherrie,
We are so glad you fianlly have your baby girl. Sophie is beautiful and we can't wait to meet her. Not surprised by Justin's behavior and instant connection with Sophie, he (and Josh) are great with Jacob. We pray for continued safe travels and blessings for your family.
Sandra, Derek, and Jacob Sauls
Dear Sheri,
Baby steps, baby steps...that's what your precious Sophie is taking towards you. The winds of change blow softly so it will take awhile for her to reach you but she will. She will. Seeing her smile and imagining her laughter while listening to the amazing music on your blog fills me with joy.
Thank you.
Patricia
Hey girl, Just remember Joshua 1:9 Remember that I have commanded you to be determined and confident!Do not be afraid or discouraged, for I, the LORD you GOD, am with you wherever you go. Hang in there girl. It will get better.
Here are a few more that has helped me.
Phil. 4:6,7 Psalm 62:8
Love ya tons.
Hi Sherri, I'm sorry I didn't leave you a message yesterday. I think you have made a wonderful decision. You are her mother now! I know your heart is breaking...it is so tough being a mom. Sophie will do fine when Justin goes back to school. It is just like anything else....she will adjust and you'll be there to love her. It might not be a Hallmark moment at first but eventually you'll both get there. How could she not love you? I'm glad that you have some happy times to your days. I hope your visit to orphanage goes well. Looking forward to having you home.
Keep trying, and trust God that He will make everything ok!
I love yall, and every one of yall are in my prayers.. keep trying!
She is a princess and she wants to make sure she is not about to be de-throned by a queen! What a prince Justin is to come to her rescue! You have to keep reminding yourself that she was put in your family for a reason- God ordained all this for you and your entire family- including Sophie. You will look back in a few years- as you are peeling her off you leg and laugh! We are praying for you and we can't wait to meet her.
Sherri, hang in there sweet friend like never before. She will have her breakthrough moment with you. She will have to cling to you when everyone else goes back to school and work. It will happen. So many blessings coming your way because of obeying God's call to adopt Sophie.
Hugs and prayers are going out to you.
When I was in China to get Maggie she was sad like that when we were out in public, but as soon as we were in the room, she would change and come out of her shell. My husband didn't go, so she didn't have any other choice but me...have you tried carrying her and not using the stroller? I did that the whole time, and even though she was a bit heavy, she seemed comforted by being held.
It is hard, but she will come around~
Sorry, that last post was from me, not Jennifer. I had signed in to post from her blog because she has lost her electricity and I guess I forgot to sign out.
Oops!
i am praying, praying, praying for you. hang in there, the joy will come!! God's mercies are new EVERY morning. michelle j.
I came to your blog via April chapel's and have read through the last few days. I know as an outsider there isn't much I can offer, but I wanted you to know that God has brought you to mind many times over the last few days, and we are praying as well. For those priceless moments, for grace as you wait for those shining eyes to turn on you, and for peace as you transition home.
even strangers are lifting you up!
blessings
heather
Hey sweetie...
Hard transitions=normal transitions. :) Change is so hard. She will need lots and lots of time to adjust. She is so young and will come around. I am praying for you an extra measure of grace. How was the orphanage?
Sherri, I have been praying for you today and asking the Lord to give me something that would be encouraging to you. I was reminded of a friend who went through a similar experience after she adopted a little girl from Russia. My friend's mother heart long to hold and cradle her new daughter, but the child was resistant to being held and would arch her back to get away from her new mom's loving embrace. Slowly over time, the child would lay in her mom's lap, and then eventually she would hold up the palm of her hand to be stroked. Every cuddling time, the little hand raised up to be stroked. Little steps toward trust, and I know they will come for you and Sophie too. Hang in there, you are doing the right thing. Keep your eyes on the prize! I know the sweet laughs are a blessing to your heart. Can you video her and post? I want to hear her! Love you girl. Proud of you.
Hi Sheri..I'm Sarah F's SIL. Your Sophie reminds me soooooo much of my Paul while we were in China. He was almost 2 and did NOT like his new mama but ADORED my husband. Imagine a 2 yr. old laying at the bathroom door kicking and screaming while baba was doing his business yet hitting mama in the face saying "NO." Our 6 year old traveled with us. Paul bonded strongly with baba, then slowly to big sister and barely tolerated me even by the end of the trip. I was nervous too when we got home about Ted going to work and Natalie going to school. Actually this was the time when Paul and I finally became friends (yes, when he didn't have a choice ;( This time of recjection is so hard for the mom because she is usually the one who agonized through the wait the most. Just keep being patient with Sophie and don't force yourself on her. Her little brain has alot to sort through right now. Even though it is sad that she is rejecting you right now, rejoice that she has bonded to your son...this means that YES...she will bond to the rest of the family. Big HUGS from Ohio and a mom whose BTDT.
Sherrie you are making the right decision not to put her through another separation. We have never known anyone to take them back as only one parent was advised to tour the orphanage while the other stays back at the hotel with the child. Please know that one family in our China travel group had brought their 17 and 15 year old daughters with them to China. The one year old adopted daughter would have nothing to do with either of them or the mom......would only let the dad hold her and screamed like crazy if he got out of sight! The ladies were all devastated as they had much better dreams of how it would all be in China so they did their share of crying too! Once they got home she did much better. If only you could see them now! So, with each meal you share, each day that passes, and as you guys meet Sophie's physical needs; her defenses will melt and allow Love to grow. I am still praying for Joshua as he is at home (sorry for the mistype on Sept 1 as I referred to him as Justin). Justin has been an amazing big brother and Joshua... be assured your turn will come too! Praying throughout our day for you all!
Dear Sherrie, (sorry - this is long)
We are another Harrah's family, and have been home for about 6 weeks. Please, please, do not be hard on yourself! I remember our biggest fear, after reading all of the attachment books, and taking the online classes, was that our Katie would hate us - and there would be nothing we could do to immediately change that. Well, Gotcha Day came - and she was not pleased. (She was 26 months, by the way.) Our guide brought us back to the hotel room, and she pleaded with the guide to take her out. When the guide finally left, Katie wanted nothing to do with us. She sat in the corner of the couch, and stared at the tv. Didn't want to eat, take her cup, etc. We spent several hours trying to coax her to let us near her. After what seemed like an eternity, she began to open up - we had ignored her, and took out her toys and dumped them on the floor and started to play. Thank goodness for Mr. Potato Head. Who knew. Anyway, Bruce and I just sat their giggling and laughing and over-exaggerating everything. Curiosity won out, and she slowly sidled over to us. We just laughed and put parts of the toys at her feet - we didn't try to hand them to her, because then that would give her a chance to reject us. We continued to play. Eventually she picked pieces up, and we clapped, and cheered, and acted nuts, and went on playing, not really drawing her in yet. Then we started rolling on the floor, and she started running around laughing. Bruce and I STOPPED laughing - we were so stunned! She was happy the rest of the night - but lest you think that was the end, happily ever after, - NO WAY! We repeated the process every day. Morning was hiorrible at first; she wanted nothing to do with us. We learned quickly to let her wake and lay there watching us act goofy. We would lean in for a quick tickle or ""I can't see you", but back out very quickly - again, so she didn't have time to reject us. If she she did yell no, and she did, we just laughed and kept going. She probably thought we were nuts. But eventually, each day, the goofiness won out. Touches were a different story - when we put her to bed, and we were co-sleeping, she would get as far away from us as possible. Forget touching her back, or rubbing, or whatever. Didn't know what hugs/kisses were. So, again, Bruce and I played it up - BIG TIME! She would watch, and watch, and start to laugh with us when we were done. The first hew days, we didn't include her, just let her get the idea it was normal, and what we do a lot. At nap time, and bed time, we would put her down, with the tv on at first, and lie next to her. Not too close. But then we made the pretense of couging, sneezing, laughing, whatever - and made the motions get us closer to her. Never looked at ther while we were doing it, just paid attention to the tv and ignored her. She tolerated it, and got used to us being closer. She had a lot of tantrums from the start - especially hauling off - and I mean hauling - and wacking us. I, too, am a preschool lead teacher, and have used the words "nice touches" a billion times. So we started this with her - would gently hold her hands to stop the hitting, sit her backwards on our laps (her back to our front) to calm her, and when calm, would hand over hand stroke her hands on our arms and faces, saying "nice touches". We started doing this when we went to bed, and at naps - "Can you give Daddy nice touches?" and after several days, she started doing this on her own at bed time, without prompting. We also had an ERGO carrier that has worked wonders, both their and home. The enforced closeness really helped us, I think; I wanted her as close as possible as often as possible so she was "forced" to get used to us, and couldn't go into her shell as often. I think it also helped her feel safe. When we were first home, we used it when Bruce would come home from work - she was mad at him for leaving her, I think, after she began to depend on both of us in China. This would calm her down, and she would stop hitting him the minute he walked in the door, and start with the nice touches.
I'm sorry this is so long, I just wanted to let you know I empathize, and understand, and hopefully gave you some hope. Even home almost 2 months, we are working on issues - sharing with other children, and listeneing being the biggest right now. Please remember attachment and bonding are a work in progress, and you are on the right path! Pleasde feel free to email me for questions, or just to talk! Your beautiful family will be just fine! Take a deep breath, try to laugh, and know there are so many people behind you! Kinda like the Verizon network!! (I don't even have Verizon, but I'm trying to make a point here!)Humor always helps, even when it's hard to find it some days. i know plenty of jokes if you need some! Anyway, I've babbled on long enough. Good night (morning there!), good luck, God Bless, and hang in there!
Susan - groundleader@yahoo.com
Well, I am probably too late to comment on your decision about not taking Sophie back for the visit, and not only that, I am the person who just spent an hour fussing with a 7th grader over the state capitals and the person who let her first grader stay up until ten! What do I know?! However! You were right. It is weird because as soon as you mentioned the trip and then we found out how the baby was handling it all I started wondering about it myself. You are awesome. It was just one more great decision in a long line of great decisions already made and ones to come! Love, love, with some love on top!!!!!!!!!!
Sherrie,
Gracie rejected me at first and only wanted Daddy. I felt a bit of that jealousy you mentioned, and I know your heart breaks each time you have to step back. Fast forward to npw, she is definitely Mommy's girl. I'll be praying... there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I think you made the right decision about not taking to the orphanage too. Trust you Mommy instincts!
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